When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
