She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
