So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
