Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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