I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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