Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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