Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
