I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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