i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
