Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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