May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
