we have pet lesbian snakes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize