How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They took my balls.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
