I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
