SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
