I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize