I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
