it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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