was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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