i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
