You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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