So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize