This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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