he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
