There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently the secret to your success is patron
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will be naked everywhere
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
