my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
