I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i believe in u and ur pee
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