DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
