if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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