dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
