dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
