worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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