The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
