I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
