i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
