Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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