Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
