so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
