mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Come on in and take your pants off
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