I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Found the puke drawer
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
