we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
