my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
