You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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