True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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