The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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