How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
