You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
