I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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