Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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