found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
