how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
