Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
