dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
