I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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