There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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