apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
