Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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