My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize