I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
