I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
