'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
