Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
