elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize